Deafness? Buy a vowel!
I’M NOT DEAF, I just have teenagers.
So for the millionth time last week I asked my 14 year old to repeat himself. Our conversations go like that all the time. He makes a statetment/plea for leniency/request for food/questions where his school socks are and I say, “What was that?” and then he groans and tells me I’m deaf.
Well, after a few months of this he wore me down and I decided to see if I was in fact losing my hearing. I went to a hearing test place, queued up with folks who were double my age, and guess what, I’M NOT DEAF. The nice man behind the counter didn’t even book me in for the test. He asked what had made me think I was going deaf, what were my deficits I think he said and I told him I can’t hear my kids.
A woman behind me chimed in “And you wanna cure? Are you nuts?”
And the white coated man said if that was my only criteria for a hearing test, come back in ten years.
So I started looking around to find our more about hearing loss, and discovered that science still hasn’t caught up with the real life of families who have muttering teenagers. They think there are actual causes – as suggested in a 2010 report from the Archives of Otolaryngology:
“Factors that contribute to hearing loss include working in a noisy environment, having a parent who had hearing loss, and, possibly, heart disease.” See? No mention of living with teenagers.
“Hearing loss is associated with difficulty communicating, a poor quality of life, dementia and cognitive problems,” …yeah, and teenagers.
“Hearing loss may not be an inevitable part of aging, and our findings, which are in line with other studies, point to the possibility that if we live healthier lifestyles, lifestyles that can reduce our chance of cardiovascular disease for example, we may be able to prevent or delay hearing loss,” said lead researcher Scott D. Nash, who’s with the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health in Madison.
Healthier lifestyles? How about lifestyles where people actually sound their ‘d’s and ’t’s …I mean buy a vowel you kids!
Commenting on the study, Dr. Thomas Balkany, director of the University of Miami Ear Institute, said that “the world is getting noisier all the time.”
However delving further into the subject I stumbled across research that suggests for men there is another cause of deafness onset. A four hour erection. Yes, it has been suggested in some circles that Viagra may also cause a hearing deficit.
For those who don’t have teenagers, but are still finding themselves saying “What was that??” all the time, or who have trouble hearing in a crowed room, or need the TV turned up – go get the hearing checked, it’s often a free medical consultation.
As for the men – well, make a choice guys.
Or talk with a lawyer…. Like this guy: