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May 4, 2011

I Need to Take On More Debt to Expand My Ageing Mind, and Rest My Weary Bones

by Prue Miller

 In order to work less in my old age I need to retire from La Rat Race, in turn this means I need to earn more money fast which I can’t do unless I get some sort of serious bow tie university qualification.

Being a brilliant writer just isn’t cutting it for me or my close friends at MasterCard.

First of all I honestly have no idea what a degree actually is, what an undergraduate or post graduate is, and I have grave fears I have misunderstood the concept of getting a bachelor at Bond University. I looked up Bond University and saw a menu of degrees – the highlight of which seems to be a $281,000 bachelor whats-it of surgery. Seriously. I checked out Harvard and Yale (well, why wouldn’t you?) and discovered it is so upper class they don’t even have a fees page. Cool.

However every qualification seems horrifically expensive when you are a ‘mature’ student as there’s a damn good chance your memory will fail within just a couple of decades and all that cleverness will simply slip away down the drain and all you’ll have left is a massive HECS debt and a silly hat. Perhaps it would make more sense to retire much later, and invest simply stupid amounts of money on home improvements that will sustain not only my slightly restricted lifestyle, but my will to live. I’m thinking of a much flasher kitchen, bigger (perhaps sunken?) lounge, brighter plasma, deeper pool and one of those inclinator seats for the arduous trip up from the garage. Oh, and lots of holidays O S.

I don’t think I will retire, it may be wiser just to work from home.

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